The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

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THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLESTEPHEN COVEYPREVIEW Paradigms & Principles Private Victory: Habit 1: Be proactive Habit 2: Begin with the end in mind Habit 3: Put first things first Habit 4: Think Win/Win Habit 5: Seek first to understand, then to be understood Habit 6: SynergizePublic Victory: Renewal: Habit 7- Sharpen the SawPARADIGMS & PRINCIPLESINSIDE OUTWHAT COVEYS SON TAUGHT HIMIf we want to change the situation, we have to change ourselves To change ourselves effectively, we have to change our perceptions, the lens through which we see the worldTHE PERSONALITY & CHARACTER ETHICS According to the character ethic, true success & enduring happiness can result only when people learn and integrate basic principles of effective living into their basic character.According to the personality ethic, success is a function of: Personality PublicTHE PERSONALITY & CHARACTER ETHICSimage & behavior skills & techniques & public relations techniques mental attitude (PMA). Attitude ComnTwo paths: Human PositiveBACK TO COVEYS SONTheir techniques obsessed them to the exclusion of genuine concern Began to see their role as being to affirm, enjoy & value him Withdrawal of protective attitude pains, but results in confidence & self-affirmationPRIMARY & SECONDARY GREATNESSPersonality building, comn skills, positive thinking are secondary, not primary, traits. In building, do not forget the foundation on which everything else must rest.PRIMARY & SECONDARY GREATNESSPersonality ethics can win only short-term victories. You cannot cram on a farm. What you are shouts so loudly in my ears I cannot hear what you say. - Emerson.THE POWER OF A PARADIGM The map is not the territory. What a wrongly printed map heading can lead to A paradigm is a theory, an explanation, a model, of something else. The age of the womanTHE FLAW PSERSONALITYOF ETHICSIf ten seconds can have such impact on the way we see things, what about the conditioning of a lifetime? Trying to change outward attitudes & behaviors doesnt help in the long run, examining the paradigms from which they flow does. For every thousandhacking at the leaves of evil, there is one striking at the root. ThoreauTHE POWER OF A PARADIGM SHIFTThomas Kuhn: every significant break through in scientific endeavor involves a break with tradition, from Ptolemy to Copernicus, from Newton to Einstein Our paradigms are the sources of our behavior the subway man with the unruly kidsFRANK KOCHS PARADIGM SHIFT AS A BATTLESHIP CAPTAINSIGNALLING AT SEAWe are on a collision course, advise you change course 20 degrees. Advisable for you to change course 20 degrees. Im a captain, change course 20 degrees. Im a seaman second class. You had better change course 20 degrees.SIGNALLING AT SEAIm a battleship. Change course 20 degrees.Im a lighthouse.THE PRINCIPLE-CENTRED PARADIGMPrinciples, natural laws woven into the fabric of every civilized society, are like lighthouses. It is impossible for us to break the law. We can only break ourselves against the law. Cecil B. deMilleWHICH ARE THESE PRINCIPLES? Fairness Integrity and honesty Human dignity Service Quality, or excellence Potential, growth Patience, nurturance, encouragementTHE PRINCIPLE-CENTRED PARADIGMPrinciples constitute a subjective reality, selfevident to an individual, independent of faith or religion. Practices are situation-specific (raising a second child on the model of the first), while principles are universally applicable. Principles are not values (a gang of thieves).PRINCIPLES OF GROWTH AND CHANGEThere are no short-cuts or quickfixes in growth: each step is important and no step can be skipped. Thinking, or pretending, that you are an international-level tennis player will not make you one. Natural growth requires adherence to natural principles.THE WAY WE SEE THE PROBLEM IS THE PROBLEMDisloyal employees have we done enough to motivate them? Short of time always is a planner the correct answer or is it our own inner efficiency? A marriage gone sour is the problem with the spouse or with ourselves?A NEW LEVEL OF THINKINGAs long as the problem is out there, there is nothing we can do about it. The Outside-In approach traps people in feelings of victimization and immobilization. Inside-Out means to start with the innermost side of ourselves our paradigms, character & motives.A NEW LEVEL OF THINKINGPrivate victories precede public victories. If I want to be trusted, I must first make myself trustworthy. Likewise for my expectations as a spouse, a parent, an employee.PARADIGMS & PRINCIPLESTHE SEVEN HABITS AN OVERVIEWWHAT IS A HABIT?We are what werepeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. AristotleWHAT IS A HABIT?Sow a thought, reap an action; Sow an action, reap a habit; Sow a habit, reap a character; Sow a character, reap a destiny. The gravitational pull of our habits may keep us from going where we want to go, but the same pull gives cohesion in our life.HABITS DEFINEDKnowledge (What to, Why to)HABITSSkills (How to)Desire (Want to)THE MATURITY CONTINUUMDependence (You) Independence (I) Inter-dependence (We)THE SEVEN HABITS PARADIGM Inter-dependence (We)Seek first to understand, Then to be understood PUBLIC 5 Synergize 6VICTORYThink Win/Win 4Independence (I)3 Put first Things first1 Be ProactivePRIVATE VICTORY2 Begin with The end in mindDependence (You)7 HABITS & EFFECTIVENESS DEFINEDCreate an empowering center of correct maps From which an indl can effectively solve problems Maximize opportunities Continually learn and integrate other principles In an upward spiral of growth.THE P/PC BALANCEEXCESSIVE FOCUS ON P Ruined health Broken relationships Worn-out machines Depleted bank accounts Damaged environmentEXCESSIVE FOCUS ON PCThe eternal student syndromeTHREE KINDS OF ASSETS Physical A lawn mower. Financial would we improve our std of living from our principal or from our interests? Human: Humans control both physical and financial assets. When it comes to cleanliness of her room, a mans daughter can be his goose.ORGANIZATIONAL PCAlways treat your employees exactly as you would want them to treat your best customers. Inheriting an over-worn machine from your predecessor. Watering down the curry can cost a restaurant its loyal customer base.Seek first to understand, Then to be understood PUBLIC 5Inter-dependence (We)Synergize 6VICTORYThink Win/Win 4Independence (I)3 Put first Things first1 Be ProactivePRIVATE VICTORY2 Begin with The end in mindDependence (You)HABIT 1: BE PROACTIVEPRINCIPLES OF PERSONAL VISIONTHE SOCIAL MIRRORPrevent self-awareness by creating a distorted vision Projections rather than reflections:Youre Whynever on time.cant you ever keep things in order? You must be an artist! Why cant you understand?THREE THEORIES OF DETERMINISMGenetic determinism: Blameit on your DNA Thats how the Irish behave!Psychic determinism: Thatshow your parents brought you up You remember rejection, failureEnvironmental determinism: Yourboss / spouse / nation / economic policies are responsibleTHE STIMULUSRESPONSE THEORYSTIMULUS RESPONSEBetween stimulus and response, a man has the freedom to choose.THE PROACTIVE MODELSTIMULUS RESPONSEFREEDOM TO CHOOSESelf-Awareness ImaginationFree Will ConscienceTHE PROACTIVE MODELPro-activity proclaims freedom, reactivity resigns to servitude. Pro-activity = Responsibility = Response + Ability I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by constant endeavor. Eleanor RooseveltVICTOR FRANKLS LADDER OF VALUESATTITUDINALCREATIVEEXPERENTIALREACTIVITY VS. PROACTIVITY Act or be acted upon.R& I = Resourcefulness and Initiative. is a verb more than a feeling. we let our feelings control our actions, we abdicate our responsibility. Love IfREACTIVITY VS. PROACTIVITYReactive language Proactive languageTheres nothing I can do. Lets look at our alternatives. Thats just the way I am. I can choose a different approach. He makes me mad. I have to do that. I must. I cant. If only. I control my own feelings. I can choose an appropriate response. I prefer. I choose. I will.CIRCLES OF CONCERN AND INFLUENCENo concern Circle of Concern Circle of Influenc eREACTIVE FOCUSNo concern Circle of Concern Circle of Influenc ePROACTIVE FOCUSNo concern Circle of Concern Circle of Influenc eFOR THE POWERFULNo concern Circle of Influence Circle of ConcernCLASSIFYING OUR PROBLEMS ProblemsDirect Control Indirect Control No ControlPrivate Victory Be Proactive Begin with the end in mind. Put first things first. Public Victory Synergize. Think win / win. Seek first to understand, then to be understood. AA Prayer Courage. Serenity. Wisdom.EXPANDING OUR CIRCLE OF INFLUENCEIt is easier to say, I am not responsible, because if I say, I am responsible, then I might also have to say, I am irresponsible. Gandhis circle of influence paddy fields. Proactive people are NOT pushy or aggressive, rather they are smart, they are value-driven, they read reality and learn what is required.THE OUTSIDE-IN & INSIDE-OUT PARADIGMSThe Outside-In Paradigm: Whats out there has to change before we can change (e.g., if only we had a less dictatorial boss, a more patient wife, a more obedient child). The Inside-Out Paradigm: By being different, we can positively change what is out there.Adopting the inside-out paradigm means: Shifting focus from the circle of concern to the circle of influence. Shifting focus from what we wish we had to what we can be. Recognizing mistakes as a means of turning failure into success. Recognizing that the power to make and keep commitments, however small, is the essence of developing the habits of effectiveness.THE OUTSIDE-IN & INSIDE-OUT PARADIGMSThe problem is never out-there, it is always in here, where we can change it, or else accept it with serenity. Each one of us is ultimately responsible for his or her own effectiveness, even for our happiness & our circumstances. Be part of the solution, not of the problem.SUMMARIZING THE PROACTIVE APPROACHSUMMARIZING THE PROACTIVE APPROACHBy making and keeping small commitments, we exercise our embryonic freedom, and thereby gradually expand that freedom. Focus only on things that lie inside your circle of influence, do not waste more time than necessary over those in the outer circle of concern.Seek first to understand, Then to be understood PUBLIC 5Inter-dependence (We)Synergize 6VICTORYThink Win/Win 4Independence (I)3 Put first Things first1 Be ProactivePRIVATE VICTORY2 Begin with The end in mindDependence (You)HABIT 2: BEGIN WITH THE END IN MINDPRINCIPLES OF PERSONAL LEADERSHIPWHEN WERE DEAD & GONE How we would like to be remembered as:Ason or a father or a brother? A friend?Someoneothers knew at the work-place? A member of our community?ALL THINGS ARE CREATED TWICEThe Carpenters Rule: cut once.Measure twice,First in their conceptualization, next in their realization. We must accept responsibility for both creations, or else spend our lives reactively acting out scripts written in the chaos of our life by our parents, or employers, or sheer pressure of circumstance.LEADERS & MANAGERSAre we in the correct jungle?Management is doing things right, Leadership is doing the right things. No management success can compensate for failure in leadership. Made more pressing because of rapidly changing environment, obsolescence of products & services, a globalized & unpredictable market.LEADERSHIP & MANAGEMENTPERSONAL MISSION STATEMENTThe essence of Victor Frankls Logotherapy: most mental / emotional illnesses stem from an underlying sense of emptiness or meaninglessness. Like a constitution, provides a basic direction to which we can align other goals and means.CREATIVITY SELF-AWARENESS CONSCIENCECIRCLE OF INFLUENCESecurity GuidancePower WisdomSecuritySense of worth Identity Emotional anchorage Self-EsteemGuidanceFrame of ref Sense of direction Provides stds & principlesWisdomPerspective on life Sense of balance Encompasses:Judgment Discernment ComprehensionPowerCapacity to act Strength, endurance Energy to make choices Overcome set habits.S e lf S p o u s e C hurch Enem y F r ie n d F a m i lyPRINCIPLES M oneyW orkPossessP le a s u r e io n sSPOUSE (OR FRIEND) Security: CENTRED MAN Disagreement Sense of security depends on how spouse treats him Highly vulnerable to moods - DisappointmentGuidance: Dictated by spouse/ marriage Wisdom: Dictated by spouse/ marriage Power: Ltd by str of self/spouseSecurity: Founded on family acceptance VolatileFAMILY-CENTRED MANagainst family expectations Self worth = family reputationGuidance: Script written by family Wisdom: Whatever is good for the family Power: Actions ltd by family traditionSecurity: Vulnerable to economic insecurity SelfMONEY-CENTRED MANworth = financial worthGuidance: Profit-driven Wisdom: Whatever is good for more money Power: Actions ltd by financial resources and imbalanced visionSecurity: Self definition based on occupation Comfortable only when workingWORK-CENTRED MANGuidance: Driven by needs/expectations of work Wisdom: Life = work Power: Actions ltd by:Occupational opportunities, org constraint Bosss perceptionsPOSSESSION-CENTRED MANSecurity: Based on reputation/social status Self worth = worth of possessionsGuidance: Driven by acquiring/ protecting/ displaying possessions Wisdom: Comparative economic/social relation Power: Actions ltd by what he can buy or social status he can gainPLEASURE (OR SELF)CENTRED MANSecurity: Feels secure only on short-lived, anesthetizing, pleasurable high Guidance: Driven by need for more pleasure Wisdom: Whats in it for me? Power: Almost negligibleSecurity: Vulnerable to en movements Always wonders what en is up to Seeks self-justification from like-minded Guidance: Dependent on what thwarts the en Wisdom: Narrow, distorted, defensive, paranoidENEMY-CENTRED MANPower: Destructive negative energy based on anger, envy, resentment, vengeanceSecurity: Vulnerable to religious disappointment Dependent on church authorities Guidance: How others evaluate him in context of church teachings & expectations Wisdom: Fractured-Believers Vs. Non-believers Power: Depends on perceived church role/ posiCHURCH-CENTRED MANSecurity: Based on changeless principles Repeatedly validated through personal experience Understanding of own development A stable core enables him to look at chang as an adventure Guidance: An unfailingly consistent compass DecisionsPRINCIPLE-CENTRED MANbased on a principled consciencPRINCIPLE-CENTRED MANWisdom: Wise balance & self-assurance A fundamental paradigm for effective, provident living Interpret sits as opportunity for selfdevelopment A proactive lifestyle, independent of changing circumstances & sits. Power: Ability to act reaches far beyond own resources, encourages and is in turn nourished by the freedom of interdependency.PERSONAL MSN STATEMENTFrankl: We detect rather than invent our msn. Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated. Each man is questioned by life to life he can only respond by being responsible. Habit 1 says: You are the programmer, Habit 2 says: Write your program.STEPPING INTO THE CREATIVITY ZONEExpand perspective Visualization & affirmationEXPAND PERSPECTIVEBy visualizing, in rich detail, events such as: Ownfuneral Marriage Anny a decade later Retirement/ second careerResults in an affirmation of fundamental principles & values, the pettiness of mundane things, and the power of love.Dr. Charles Garfield: All worldclass athletes and peak performers are visualizers they experience it before they do it. Example of a affirmation:ItVISUALIZATION & AFFIRMATIONis deeply satisfying (emotional) that I (personal) respond (present tense) with wisdom, love, firmness and self-control (positive) when my children misbehave.ORG MSN STATEMENTSIBM: Dignity of the individual Excellence ServiceNo involvement, No commitment. Creates great unity, tremendous commitment. Promotes self-governance among employees, eliminating criticism, excessive supervision / control / direction.Seek first to understand, Then to be understood PUBLIC 5Inter-dependence (We)Synergize 6VICTORYThink Win/Win 4Independence (I)3 Put first Things first1 Be ProactivePRIVATE VICTORY2 Begin with The end in mindDependence (You)HABIT 3: PUT FIRST THINGS FIRSTPRINCIPLES OF PERSONAL MANAGEMENTThings that matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least. GoetheWHY PRIORITIZE? THE ROCK & BUCKET STORYStart with a bucket, some big rocks enough to fill it, some small stones, some sand and water. Put the big rocks in the bucket - is it full? Put the small stones in around the big rocks - is it full? Put the sand in and give it a shake - is it full? Put the water in. Now it's full. The point is: unless you put the big rocks in first, you won't get them in at all.LEADERSHIP & MANAGEMENTHabit 2 is the mental creation, Habit 3 is the physical creation. Leadership decides what first things are; management puts them first, day by day, moment by moment. Manage from the left; lead from the right.MANAGEMENT & DISCIPLINEHinges on the 4th human endowment: Independent will. An effective manager is characterised by inner discipline. Discipline derives from disciple. An effective manager is a disciple of his inner values and their source, and possesses the will to subordinate his feelings, moods and impulses to these values.HABIT 3: PUT FIRST THINGS FIRSTFOUR GENERATIONS OF MANAGEMENTGen 1: Notes, check-lists. Gen 3: WeightingFOUR GENERATIONS OF TIME MANAGEMENTGen 2: Calendars, Appt Books.relative worth of activities against values. Setting specific short, intermediate and long-term goals. Working out a specific daily plan to accomplish goals and activities deemed most worthy.FOUR GENERATIONS OF TIME MANAGEMENTGen 4: Gen3 management made people feel too scheduled, restricted and nonspontaneous. Gen 4 recognizes that the challenge is not to manage time or things, but ourselves. Focuses on preserving and enhancing relationships as well as accomplishing results- the P/PC Balance.HABIT 3: PUT FIRST THINGS FIRSTTHE FOUR QUADRANTS OF ACTIVITIESTIME MANAGEMENT MATRIXUrgent Not UrgentI PC II Relationship building Recognizing new opportunities Planning, recreationTrivia, Prevention,ImportantCrises Pressingproblems Deadline-driven projectsNot Importantbusy work IV calls Some mails & reports Some mails, some phone calls Some meetings Time wasters Proximate, pressing Pleasant activities matters Popular activitiesInterruptions,some IIIQUADRANT I PEOPLEI IIStress Burnouts Crisis90% Timemanagement Always putting out firesIII10% TimeIVQUADRANT III PEOPLEI IIShort-term focus Crisis management Reputation: chameleon III character See goals & plans as worthless Feel victimized, out of control Shallow or broken relationshipsIVQUADRANTS III & IVI IITotal irresponsibility Fired from jobs Dependent on others or institutions for basicsIII IVQUADRANT II PEOPLEIBuilding relationships Vision, perspective Balance Writing a pers Discipline msn Control statement Few crises Exercisin gPreparationLong range planning Preventive maintIIQUADRANT II PEOPLEI Opportunity minded, not problem minded Feed opportunities, starve problems By thinking preventively, reduce the size of Quadrant I Focus on activities of Quadrant II, which, if done regularly, impact our lives II tremendouslyQUADRANT II PEOPLEI Illustration: the shopping centre managers and their tenants The Pareto principle: 80% of the results flow out of 20 % of the activities IIMOVING INTO QUADRANT-IIInitial time to move to Q-II has to come out of Qs-III & IV. Learn to say No the good is often the enemy of the best. Its almost impossible to say No to the popularity of Q-III, or the pleasure of escape to Q-II, unless we have a bigger Yes burning inside.HABIT 3: PUT FIRST THINGS FIRSTCRITERIA FOR A QUADRANT-II ORGANIZERSIX CRITERIA FOR A QUADRANT-II TOOLCoherence: Harmony between msn, goals, priorities, discipline. Balance: Success in career is not worth a broken marriage, ruined health, or weakness in personal character. Plan weekly: The key is not to prioritize what is on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.SIX CRITERIA FOR A QUADRANT-II TOOLA People Dimension: At times, it is worth it to sub-ordinate a schedule to building a relationship with a person. Flexibility: Your planning tool should be your servant, never your master. Portability.HABIT 3: PUT FIRST THINGS FIRSTCOMPONENTS OF QUADRANT-II ORGANIZINGIDENTIFYING ROLES & SELECTING GOALSWrite a pers msn statement Individual / Pers Devp Catch up on networking trends Fix the washing machine Husband / Father Help with childs homework Draw up a leave program Adm Manager Organize a get-togetherIDENTIFYING ROLES & SELECTING GOALSMonitor down-time Tech Manager Select eqpt for certain tech activity Identify means to minimize costs Identify surplus inventory Org a trg cadre on a new eqpt Performance reviewMaterial ManagerStaff DevpSCHEDULINGSet a two-hour slot aside on Sunday to write a personal msn statement. Set an hour aside on Saturday to teach the kid maths. Set aside an hour every two days for exercise The weekly worksheetDAILY ADAPTINGTake a few minutes every morning to review schedulePrioritize activities and respond to unanticipated events in light of commitment to personal valuebased decisionsLONG-TERM ORGANIZINGMsn Statement Roles GoalsWEEKLY ORGANIZINGSchedule Roles Goals Plans DelegateLIVING ITHabit 1: You are the programmer. Habit 2: Write the program. Habit 3: Run (Live) the program. Need for commitment, integrity, self-discipline.As a principle-centered person, we can subordinate our schedule to a higher value without guilt. People are more important than things.HABIT 3: PUT FIRST THINGS FIRSTDELEGATIONPRODUCERInput OutputMANAGERInput OutputPRINCIPLE OF DELEGATIONTrust is the highest form of motivation.DEGREES OF DELEGATION"Wait to be told." or "Do exactly what I say." or "Follow these instructions precisely." "Look into this and tell me what you come up with. I'll decide." "Give me your recommendation, and the other options with the pros and cons of each. I'll let you know whether you can go ahead. "Decide and let me know your decision, but wait for my go ahead." "Decide and let me know your decision, then go ahead unless I say not to."DEGREES OF DELEGATION"Decide and take action, but let me know what you did." "Decide and take action. You need not check back with me." "Decide where action needs to be taken and manage the situation accordingly. It's your area of responsibility now."TYPES OF DELEGATIONGofer Delegation.Go for this, go for that, do this, do that, and tell me when it is done. The other person does not develop any commitment. Focused on methods, stay responsible for the results.Stewardship Delegation.Focused on results, give the other person choice of methods. Clear, mutual, up-front understanding and commitment regarding results.STEPS IN EFFECTIVE DELEGATION Define the task Select the individual Assess ability and training needs Explain the reasons State required resultsSTEPS IN EFFECTIVE DELEGATION Consider resources required Agree on deadlines Support and communicate Feedback on resultsSMARTER: THE DELEGATIONSMART RULEA simple delegation rule is the acronym SMART, or better still, SMARTER. It's a quick checklist for proper delegation. Delegated tasks must be: Specific Measurable Agreed Realistic Timebound Ethical RecordedSeek first to understand, Then to be understood PUBLIC 5Inter-dependence (We)Synergize 6VICTORYThink Win/Win 4Independence (I)3 Put first Things first1 Be ProactivePRIVATE VICTORY2 Begin with The end in mindDependence (You)PUBLIC VICTORYPARADIGMS OF INTERDEPENDENCETHE EMOTIONAL BANK ACCTDescribes the amount of trust thats been built into a relationship. Deposits Withdrawals Courtesy Kindness Honesty Keeping commitments Discourtesy Disrespect Ignoring Betraying trustTrust LevelWITH A TEENAGE SONDeposits Bring home a magazine Offer to help on a project Treat him to ice cream Withdrawals Clean your room Button your shirt Turn down the radioTake him to a movie Get a haircut Just listen to him and Dont forget to take empathize out the garbage Trust LevelSIX MAJOR DEPOSITS Understanding the individual Attending to the little things Keeping commitments Clarifying expectations Showing personal integrityApologizing sincerely when you maUNDERSTANDING THE INDIVIDUALDeposits may be perceived as withdrawals by the other person A parent: Treat them all the same by treating them differently.Habit 2 recognizes and recommits to a personHabit 3 subordinates a schedule to a human priority (a six-year old interrupting project work)ATTENDING TO THE LITTLE THINGSIn relationships, little things are big things. If I were cold, would you put your coat around me, too? Small discourtesies, little unkindnesses, little forms of disrespect, make huge withdrawals.CLARIFYING EXPECTATIONSDifferent interpretations of roles: YOU:When am I going to get a job description? BOSS: Ive been waiting for you to bring me one. YOU: I thought defining my job was your role. BOSS: Thats not my job at all. Dont you remember? Right from the start, I said how you do in the job largely depends on you. YOU:I thought you meant the quality of my job. I dont even know what my real job is.CLARIFYING EXPECTATIONSDifferent interpretations of goals:Yousaid No, youre wrong. I said You did not! You never said I was supposed to Oh yes, I did. I clearly remember You never even mentioned Butthat was our agreementSHOWING PERSONAL INTEGRITYHonesty is conforming words to reality, integrity is conforming reality to words. Be loyal to those who are present. Do not backbite confront if you have to.APOLOGIZING SINCERELY FOR A WITHDRAWALIt is the weak who are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from the strong. Leo RoskinTHE LAWS OF LOVE & LIFEUnconditional love helps the loved one feel secure, validated and affirmed in essential growth (a childs career choice). Dag Hammarskjold: It is more noble to give yourself completely to one individual than to labor diligently for the salvation of the masses.THE LAWS OF LOVE & LIFE Noamount of technical administrative skill in laboring for the masses can make up for lack of nobility of personal character in developing relationships.P PROBLEMS ARE PC OPPORTUNITIES Doesthe child come to the parent with a problem or an opportunity to invest in the precious parent-child relationship? a customer come to the store clerk with a problem or an opportunity to build a relationship? DoesThink Win / Win 4HABIT 4: THINK WIN / WINPRINCIPLES OF INTERPERSONAL LEADERSHIPWho will win the trip toSIX PARADIGMS OF HUMAN INTERACTION Win / Win Win / Lose Lose / Win Lose / Lose Win Win / Win, or No DealWIN / WINSees life as a co-operative, not competitive, arena Agreements or solutions should be mutually beneficial and mutually satisfying All parties feel committed to action Neither your way, nor my way, but a higher wayWIN / LOSE If I win, you lose. Authoritarian leadership: I get my way; you dont get yours. Promotes cut-throat ism: If I am better than my brother, my parents will love me more. In athletics, winning is beating You got an A because someone else got a C.WIN / LOSE Whos winning in your marriage? Most of life is an interdependent, not an independent, reality. Hence most results depend on cooperation between us and others.Characterized by:LOSE / WINI lose, you win. Go ahead, have your way with me. Step on me again. Everyone does. Im a loser. Always have been. Im a peacemaker. Ill do anything to keep peace.Be a nice guy, even if nice guys finish last.Such people have little courage, are easily intimidated, and seek strength through popularity and acceptance. In negotiation - capitulation. In leadership permissiveness / indulgence.WHAT LOSE / WIN BRINGS Decline in self-esteem. Cynicism, cumulative resentment, deep disappointment, disillusionment. Buried alive. Psychosomatic illnesses, particularly of the respiration, circulation and nervous systems. Disproportionate rage against minor provocation.WIN /LOSE & LOSE / WINThe weak submissiveness of lose / win people supplements the aggressiveness of win / lose people. Both win / lose and lose / win are symptomatic of personal insecurity. Win / lose people are more successful lose / win people are weak and chaotic. Many people swing between the two, driven by anger to win / lose, driven by guilt to lose / win.LOSE / LOSEWhen two win-lose people get together the clash of two stubborn, egotistic, un-yielding people. Also the philosophy of highly dependent, insecure people If no one wins, perhaps being a loser wouldnt be so bad.WINDo not necessarily want the other person to lose only interested that their own ends should be achieved. Most common approach in everyday negotiation.WHICH IS THE BEST?Win /Lose would be good: Ina football match Tworegional offices miles away which have no functional relationships (compete)Lose / Win would be good in a relationship when you want to genuinely affirm the other person. Win would be the only option if your childs life were in danger.WHICH IS THE BEST? Most of life is interdependent. Win / Lose may win in the short term but will lose in the long term. Similarly Lose / Win leads to lose / lose in the long term. Win is no foundation for any productive relationship. Win-Win is the only healthy attitude in an interdependent reality.WHICH IS THE BEST?A genuine win-win attitude is characterized by: Stayinglonger.in the comn process more to the other Listeningperson. Expressing Findingown point of view strongly, clearly & honestly. a synergistic solution, one that both parties are happy with.WIN / WIN OR NO DEALIf we fail to find a mutually agreeable solution, we agree to disagree agreeably No deal That is to say, its either win-win or nothing. Brings tremendous emotional freedom.FIVE DIMENSIONS OF WIN / WIN1 Win/Win Character2 Win/Win Relationships3 Win/Win AgreementsSupportive Systems (4) and Processes (5)CHARACTERAbundance MentalityIntegrityMaturityINTEGRITYCan be defined as the value we place on ourselves To win, we must know what win means in the context of our innermost values Built up by Habits 1, 2 & 3 Cornerstone in the foundation of our trustTHE MATURITY MATRIXConsiderationLose / WinWin / WinLose / Lose CourageWin / LoseABUNDANCE MENTALITYA Scarcity Mentality Seesonly one pie out there If anybody gets a big slice, theres that much less left for everybody else.An Abundance Mentality Growsworthout of a sense of deep personal Seesplenty out there, enough to spare for everybody. sharing of profit, prestige, profits, decision-making. PromotesABUNDANCE MENTALITY Public victory does notmean victory over other people. It means success in effective interaction that brings mutually beneficial results to everyone involved.RELATIONSHIPSThe emotional bank account is the essence of a relationship. We are more likely to get someone to agree with us if we have a positive emotional bank account with them. Interpersonal leadership goes beyond transactional leadership to transformational leadership, transforming the relationship as well as the individuals involved.AGREEMENTSPerformance or partnership agreements shift the paradigm from: Thevertical to the horizontal Hovering supervision to self-supervision Positioning to being partners in success.A Win-Win agreement has 5 elements: Desiredresults (what is to be done & when) Guidelines Resources Accountability (Stds of performance, evaluation) Consequences (of the evaluation)AGREEMENTSIf the boss becomes first assistant to each of his sub-ordinates, he can greatly increase his span of control. Consequences of a Win-Win agreement: Financial Psychic Opportunity(e.g., trg) Responsibility (scope, power)SUPPORTIVE SYSTEMSOut of 1000 employees, would you like to reward 50 or 800? Assessment should be based not on comparisons but on individuals achieving performance objectives and groups meeting team objectives. Co-operation in the workplace is as important to free enterprise as competition in the marketplace.SUPPORTIVE SYSTEMSSpirit of win-win cannot survive in an environment of competitions and contest. For Win / Win to work, the trg sys, planning sys, comn sys, info sys, compensation sys, budgeting sys all should be based on win-win. Create teams of highly productive people working together to compete against external stds of performance.PROCESSES See the other point of view. Identify key issues & concerns. Determine what results would constitute an acceptable solution. Identify possible new options to achieve those results.HABIT 5: SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND, THEN TO BE UNDERSTOODPRINCIPLES OF EMPATHIC COMMUNICATIONCHARACTER & COMMUNICATIONTechnique without character breeds suspicion of duplicity, manipulation. The key to influence is conduct, which flows out of character Unless you are influenced by my uniqueness, I am not going to be influenced by your advice.FIVE WAYS OF LISTENING Ignoring. Pretending. Selective listening. Attentive listening. Empathic listening. Listeningwith an intent seeking first to understand. Getting inside another persons frame of reference.COMPONENTS OF COMNW ords 10%Body Language 60%Sounds 30%So, we listen with: Ears Eyes HeartDIAGNOSE BEFORE YOU PRESCRIBEDo not attempt to solve anothers eye problems with your pair of glasses. An amateur salesman sells products, a professional sells solutions to needs & problems. A good lawyer writes his opposite attorneys case before he writes his own.FOUR AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL RESPONSES Evaluate Agree or Disagree. Probe Ask questions from own frame of reference. Advise Give counsel based on own experience. Interpret Try to figure people out, their motives and behavior, based on own motives and behavior.RESPONDING TO OTHERSWell never get to the problem if we are so caught up in our own autobiography, our own lenses, that we fail to see the others point of view. As long as the other persons response is logical, we can effectively ask questions and give counsel, but the moment it becomes emotional, we must go back to empathic listening.THE CORRECT RESPONSEGenuinely seek the welfare of the other individual. Listen with empathy. Let the other person get to the problem as well as the solution in his own pace and time. When we listen, we become influenceable. Becoming influencable is the key to influencing others.THEN SEEK TO BE UNDERSTOODThe sequence of an effective presentation: Ethos: Pathos:Personal credibility The trust we inspire with our integrity and competenceEmpathy Alignment with the emotional thrust of the other persons comn. Logos:LogicHABIT 6: SYNERGIZEPRINCIPLES OF CREATIVE COOPERATIONSYNERGYThe whole is more than sum of the parts (1 + 1 = 3 or more). The relationship between parts of the whole is a catalytic, empowering part in itself. Two plants growing close promote each others growth.Challenge: to apply such natural creative co-operation in social interactions.SYNERGISTIC COMMUNICATIONLearn to value all differences:Physical SocialMental EmotionalChallenge: to step out of protective / defensive comn, and use our sense of personal security, openness and adventure to co-operate creatively with others. Synergy is achieved when the group collectively agrees to subordinate the old script & write a new one.SYNERGISTIC COMMUNICATIONBecoming authentic and genuine, even about personal matters & self-doubts, encourages others to open themselves up. Genuine creative empathy brings about new learning and insights and promotes creativity. We seek not to imitate the masters, but rather to seek what they sought.LEVELS OF COMNHIGHSynergistic (Win/Win) Respectful (Compromise) Defensive (Win/Lose or Lose/Win)LOWLOWTrustCo-operationHIGHDEFENSIVE COMNCharacterized by legalistic language that: Covers all bases. Spells out qualifiers and escape clauses for when things go wrong.Adopted by;Administrators laying down rules & regulations based on abuses by a miniscule minority, stifling the freedom & creativity of the majority Business partners scared of a doomsday scenario, choking creativity, enterprise & synergy in legalistic tangles.RESPECTFUL COMNAdopted by mature people avoiding the possibility of a confrontation Polite, not empathic Give-and-take compromise: 1 + 1 = 1 1/ 2. Lack of creativity & synergy.SYNERGISTIC COMN 1 + 1 = 4 or 8 or 16 or even 1000. Creative enterprise constitutes a mini-culture with P/PC balance. Solutions found better than any originally proposed. (Fishingfor the third alternative).NEGATIVE SYNERGYCaused by: Politicking,confessing others sins Rivalry, Interpersonal conflict Protecting ones back-sideDriving with one foot on the gas, the other on the brake. The left-brained husband and the right-brained wife how did they get to have two children?KURT LEWINS FORCE FIELDEmotionaRestraining Forces l Illogical Negative Unconscious Social/PsyCurrent Performance Level (Equilibrium)Economic Positive Logical Reasonable Driving Forces ConsciousSeek first to understand, Then to be understood PUBLIC 5Inter-dependence (We)Synergize 6VICTORYThink Win/Win 4Independence (I)3 Put first Things first1 Be ProactivePRIVATE VICTORY2 Begin with The end in mindDependence (You)Surrounds all others because it makes all others possibleHABIT 7: SHARPEN THE SAWPRINCIPLES OF BALANCED SELF-RENEWALWhat are you doing?A CONVERSATION IN THE WOODSCant you see? Im sawing down this tree.You look exhausted! How long have you been at it?Over five hours, and Im bet! This is hard work.A CONVERSATION IN THE WOODSWell, why dont you take a break for a few minutes and sharpen that saw? Im sure it would go a lot faster.I dont have time to sharpen the saw. Im too busy sawing!FOUR DIMENSIONS OF RENEWALPhysicalExercise Nutrition Stress ManagementMentalReading Visualizing Planning WritingSocial / Emotional SpiritualService Value Clarification Empathy & Commitment Synergy Study and Meditation Intrinsic SecurityPHYSICAL6 hours a week can so significantly impact the balance 162-165 hours of the week. A good exercise plan focusing on:Endurance Flexibility StrengthA Q-II activity calling for a lot of will-power Significantly boosts self-esteem, selfconfidence and Integrity.SPIRITUALThe greatest battles of life are fought out daily in the silent chambers of the soul David O. McKay A Zen Master:How do you maintain your serenity and peace? I never leave my place of meditation.I have so much to do today, Ill need to spend another hour on my knees. Martin LutherMENTAL Television: A good servant but a poor master. Continuing education is vital mental renewal. Training our minds to be objective. A person who doesnt read is not better than a person who doesnt know how to read. A book a month two weeks a week. Writing journal, letters.SOCIAL / EMOTIONAL Empathic listening. Synergy. Intrinsic security stems from: Correctprinciples and accurate paradigms. A life of integrity Effective interdependent living ServiceService is the rent we pay for the privilege of living in this earth. N. Elder Tanner Earn thy neighbors love. Dr. Hans SalyeSCRIPTING OTHERSWhat do we reflect to others about themselves? How much does that reflection influence their lives? Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he can and should be and he will become as he can and should be. GoetheBALANCE IN RENEWALAn org whose focus is economic:Inter-departmental rivalry Defensive & protective comn Politicking Master-mindingAn org that develops in the dimensions of service, human relations, economy, but not in human resources:Benevolent autocracy Collective resistance Adversarism Excessive turnoverBALANCE IN RENEWALAny dimension that is neglected will create negative force field resistance that pushes against effectiveness and growth. An org has to treat all four dimensions balancedly The economic (physical) How people are treated (social) Howpeople are devp & used (mental) Service,job or contribution made by the org (spiritual)SYNERGY IN RENEWALThe more proactive we are (1), the better leadership (2) and management (3) we can exercise over our lives. The more effectively we manage our lives (3), the more time we find for renewal (7). The more we seek first to understand (5), the more our ability to synergize (6) and obtain win / win solutions (4). Private victory (1,2,3) will lead to public victory (4,5,6).SYNERGY IN RENEWALThe renewal habit (7) renews and reinforces all other habits. Physical renewal reinforces personal vision (1). Spiritual renewal reinforces personal leadership (2). Mental renewal reinforces personal management (3). The daily private victory (a minimum of one hour a day in renewal of physical, spiritual and mental dimensions) is the key to the devp of the 7 habits.THE UPWARD SPIRALRenewal empowers us to move upward in a spiral of growth, change, continuous improvement.We must learn, commit and do, again and again.THE UPWARD SPIRALDoLearn CommitLearnDoLearn DoDo LearnCommitCommitCommitSeek first to understand, Then to be understood PUBLIC 5Inter-dependence (We)Synergize 6VICTORYThank You!Think Win/Win 4Independence (I)3 Put first Things first1 Be ProactivePRIVATE VICTORY2 Begin with The end in mindDependence (You)

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