What did you say? mindful interculture communication [201608 icgse]

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  • What Did You Say? Mindful (Intercultural) Communication

    Greetings! I am pleased to see that we are different.

    May we together become greater than the sum of both of us.

    Surak in the Savage Curtain episode of Star Trek

    Frederick Zarndt frederick@frederickzarndt.com

    @cowboyMontana

    mailto:frederick@frederickzarndt.com

  • Mindfulness

    Mindfulness is being in touch with and aware of the present moment, as well as taking a non-evaluative and non-judgmental

    approach to it.

  • Mindfulness vs. mindfulnessWhen the mind is not mindful and attentive, it follows its habitual patterns of liking, disliking, rejecting, pursuing, projecting, and

    being for and against things. Clear attentiveness is awareness that is free from the process of reacting, without adding or subtracting

    anything from the experience.

  • Self aware a clear perception of your personality, including strengths,

    weaknesses, thoughts, beliefs, motivation, and emotions allows you to understand other people, how they perceive you, your

    attitude and your responses to them in the moment.

  • A Wandering Mind Is an Unhappy Mind

    Many philosophical and religious traditions teach that happiness is to be found by living in the moment, and practitioners are trained to

    resist mind wandering and to be here now. These traditions suggest that a wandering mind is an unhappy mind. Are they right?

    Matthew A. Killingsworth and Daniel Gilbert. A wandering mind is an unhappy mind. Science, Nov 2010. http://www.sciencemag.org/

  • 1. Be mindful and (self) aware

    2. Be impeccable with your word

    3. Dont take anything personally

    4. Dont make assumptions

    5. Always do your best

    Adapted from The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz

  • The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it

    has taken place.

    George Bernard Shaw,1925 Nobel Peace Prize for Literature.

    ?

  • I most enthusiastically recommend this candidate with no qualifications whatsoever.

    What did you say?

  • In my opinion you will be very fortunate to get this person to work for you.

    What did you say?

  • Please revert as soon as possible.

    What did you say?

  • What does this mean?

    Finefor Parking

    Here

  • What do you see?

    The young girlis turning away...

    The old womanis very sad...

  • What do you see?

  • Why (better) communication is necessary

  • A survey of 752 IEEE members conducted by IEEE Spectrum and The New York Times discovered that "just 9 percent of 133 respondents whose organizations currently offshore R&D reported 'No problem'. The biggest headache was 'Language, communication, or culture' barriers, as reported by 54.1 percent of respondents." (http://www.spectrum.ieee.org/feb07/4881)

    In a March 2007 web poll conducted by the Computing Technology Industry Association "nearly 28 percent of the more than 1,000 respondents singled out poor communications as the number one cause of project failure". (http://www.comptia.org/pressroom/get_pr.aspx?prid=1227)

    Nilay Oza et. al. in their study Critical Factors in Software Outsourcing: A Pilot Study of top Indian outsourcing firms named cultural differences and language as the 2 most difficult among the 5 difficulty factors identified in outsourcing relationships.

    In their 2006 study Crticial factors in establising and maintaing trust in software outsourcing relationships presented at the International Conference on Software Engineering, Nguyen, Babar, and Verner identified communication and cultural understanding as the 2 factors most critical to maintaining trust relationships.

    Huang and Trauth identified three themes as major cross-cultural challenges: "...the complexity of language issues in global virtual work, culture and communication styles and work behaviors, and cultural understandings at different levels." (Cultural influences and globally distributed information systems development: Experiences from chinese IT professionals)

    Why (better) communication is necessary

    http://www.spectrum.ieee.org/feb07/4881http://www.comptia.org/pressroom/get_pr.aspx?prid=1227http://doi.acm.org/10.1145/1029997.1030011http://doi.acm.org/10.1145/1134285.1134377http://doi.acm.org/10.1145/1235000.1235008

  • projects are about communication, communication, and communication"

    B. Elenbass. Staging a project: Are you setting your project up for success?. Proceeding of the Project Management Institute Annual Seminars & Symposiums. 2000.

  • Wiio's laws of (mis-)communication

    Osmo A Wiio in Wiion lait - ja vhn muidenkin cf. http://www.cs.tut.fi/~jkorpela/wiio.html

    1. Communication usually fails, except by accident

    1.1.If communication can fail, it will

    1.2.If communication cannot fail, it still most usually fails

    1.3.If communication seems to succeed in the intended way, there's a misunderstanding

    1.4.If you are content with your message, communication certainly fails

    2. If a message can be interpreted in several ways, it will be interpreted in a manner that maximizes the damage

    http://www.cs.tut.fi/~jkorpela/wiio.html

  • 4. There is always someone who knows better than you what you meant with your message.

    5. The more we communicate, the worse communication succeeds. 5.1.The more we communicate, the faster misunderstandings

    propagate.

    6. In mass communication, the important thing is not how things are but how they seem to be.

    7. The importance of a news item is inversely proportional to the square of the distance.

    8. The more important the situation is, the more probably you forget an essential thing that you remembered a moment ago.

    Osmo A Wiio in Wiion lait - ja vhn muidenkin cf. http://www.cs.tut.fi/~jkorpela/wiio.html

    Wiio's laws of (mis-)communication

    http://www.cs.tut.fi/~jkorpela/wiio.html

  • Exercise: Introductions

    Introduce yourself and say where you were born Say one thing about you that you really like Say one thing about you that you dont so much

    like

    Tell one unique thing shared by all / most members of your native culture that is different from other cultures

    Do this is 2 minutes or less!

  • Goals

    Personal goal: Through my behavior in thought, word, and deed to be and to become a better person

    Business goal: Everyone wins as measured by the 4 way test*

    1. Is it the truth? 2. Is it fair to all concerned? 3. Will it build goodwill and better friendships? 4. Will it be beneficial to all concerned?

    * Adapted from Herbert Taylors 4 way test. See http://www.rotary.org

    http://www.rotary.org

  • Goals

    Personal goal: Through my behavior in thought, word, and deed to be and to become a better person

    Business goal: Everyone wins as measured by the 4 way test*

    1. Is it the truth? 2. Is it fair to all concerned? 3. Will it build goodwill and better friendships? 4. Will it be beneficial to all concerned?

    Your goals?

    * Adapted from Herbert Taylors 4 way test. See http://www.rotary.org

    http://www.rotary.org

  • The basic human

  • Genetic difference at most 0.5%

  • Estimated number of neurons in an adult human brain 10,000,000,000 (1011)*

    Estimated number of synapses in an adult human brain:100,000,000,000,000 (1014)

    Estimated number of synaptic connections for each neuron: 7,000

    Number of combinations of n (1011) neurons with s (7000) synapses C (n, s) = C (1011, 7000) is very large (for example, the number of combinations of n (52) cards taken 5 at a time C (52,5) is 2,598,960

    * Another estimate is 86 x 109 total neurons, 16.3 x 109 in the cerebral cortex and 69 x 109 in the cerebellum.

    Genes, neurons, and synapses: How humans are different

  • Humans have about 3,000,000 nucleotides. Maximum genetic variation based on

    single nucleotide polymorphism is 0.1% or 1 difference in 1000 base pairs

    copy number variation resulting from deletions, insertions, inversions, and duplications is 0.4%

    Total maximum genetic difference between two randomly selected humans is ~0.5%.

    Genetic difference between human and chimpanzee is ~4%.

    Genes, neurons, and synapses: How humans are alike

  • Reticular activating systemThe Reticular Activating System (RAS) is a diffuse network of nerve pathways in the brainstem connecting the spinal cord, cerebrum, and cerebellum, and mediating the overall level of consciousness.

    RAS filters data coming to your mind so that your perception of events agrees with your past experience.

    Everything you see, hear, smell, feel and touch is a message entering your brain. RAS filters through all these messages and decides which ones will get attention from your consciousness.

    Midbrain

    Pons

    RASMedulla

    Exercise (+)

    Noise (+)

  • Basic human nature

    Physical Vehicle comprised of meat body and its needs. (Latin physica things relating to nature.)

    Emotional Motivational force for human activities. (Latin emovere move.)

    Mental Sets goals, creates problems, solves problems. (Latin mens mind, Indo-European / Sanskrit revolve in the mind, think.)

    Spiritual Relationship to creator. (Latin spirare breathe.)

    Regardless of culture, humans have 4 basic natures. With only slight racial and geographic differences, the physical body is the same for all cultures. How humans meet their physical needs -- water, food, shelter, procreation -- and fulfill their emotional, mental, and spiritual natures differs from culture to culture and from person to person.

  • Basic human activities

    Relationship Manner in which one connects to and interacts with other humans. (Latin referre bring back.)

    Work Physical and mental activity intended to achieve a purpose or result or to create something.

    Recreation Activities done for enjoyment and to re - create oneself. (Latin recreare to create again, renew.)

    Devotion Activities to fulfill and develop spiritual nature. (Latin devotionem to dedicate by a vow.)

    Basic physical needs -- water, food, shelter, procreation -- are fulfilled in variety of culture specific ways. Once these needs are met, humans from every culture engage in 4 fundamental activities.

  • Culture is like the color of your eyes: You cannot hide it and can change it only with difficulty, and although you yourself cannot see it, it is always visible to others when you interact with them.

    Culture Any knowledge passed from one generation to the next, not necessarily with respect to human beings. Culture is a collective phenomenon shared with people within the same social environment.

    Culture is learned, it is not innate.

    Culture is different from personality but the border between culture and personality is fuzzy.

    Definitions of culture

  • Culture

    Personality

    Human Nature

    Learned

    Inherited and Learned

    Inherited

    Specific to Individual

    Specific to Group

    Universal

    Levels of mental programming

  • Cultural expectations

    Cultures similar Cultures different

    Behaviors and values

  • Perception

    To become conscious of or aware of through the senses (Latin perceptin or perciptio: comprehension, taking in)

  • realize that there is no color in the natural world and no sounds nothing of this kind; no textures, no patterns, no beauty, no scent. the world out there is synthesized in our consciousness.

    Sir John Eccles,1963 Nobel Peace Prize for Medicine.

  • Process of perception

    1. Sensation (observation) 2. Awareness (interpretation) 3. Evaluation (judgement)

  • That manis running

    Perception: Observation

  • He mustbe late...

    Perception: Interpretation?

  • Those foreignersare always in

    a hurry!

    Perception: Judgement

  • Perception

    Much of what you think happened or what you think you heard is based on

    misperception

  • Perception Mother and daughter

  • Perception Mother and daughter Innocence Project

    Eyewitness misidentification is the single greatest cause of wrongful convictions, playing a role in more than 75% of convictions overturned through DNA testing.

    Exonerated 342 wrongfully convicted men in USA (as of Jul 2016)

  • Perception Mother and daughter

    Crab Nebula supernova In 1054 a star in the region of what is now know as the Crab Nebula

    exploded. For several days it was the 3rd brightest object in the sky, bright enough to be seen in daytime.

    The supernova was observed and recorded by Chinese, Japanese, and Arab astronomers and by native Americans. There are few and very obscure recorded European observations.

    Innocence Project Eyewitness misidentification is the single greatest cause of wrongful

    convictions, playing a role in more than 75% of convictions overturned through DNA testing.

    Exonerated 342 wrongfully convicted men in USA (as of Jul 2016)

  • Exercise: Misperceptions

    Think of one of your own misperceptions or a misperception that you witnessed. It may have been the

    result of your own personal or cultural programming or the result of your assumptions about a situation, relationship, or

    the circumstances.

  • Stereotype (definition):

    an idea that is used to describe a particular type of person or thing, or a person or thing thought to represent such an idea.

    a widely held but fixed and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person or thing

  • Culture stereotypes

    Advantages of stereotypes Disadvantages of stereotypesPrediction of cultural behaviors Stereotypical behavior does not match real

    behavior

    Illuminates intent Expected intent disguises real intent

    Helps one avoid giving offense

    Ability to put things in conceptual categories is fundamental to perception.

  • Exercise: Cultural stereotype

    Think of a cultural stereotype from your own or from another culture. Think of advantages, disadvantages,

    and dangers of the stereotype.

  • Cultural models

    Richard Lewiss Cultural Categories Hofstedes 5 Dimensions of Culture Trompenaar and Hamden-Turners

    Cultural Dimensions

    Others ...

  • Richard Lewiss cultural categories

    Linear-active cultures tend to be task-oriented, highly organized planners who complete action-chains by doing one thing at a time, preferably in accordance with a linear agenda.

    Multi-active cultures are loquacious, impulsive, like to do many things at the same time, and attach great importance to feelings, relationships and people-orientation.

    Reactive cultures rarely initiate action or discussion, preferring first to listen to and establish the others position, then react to it and formulate their own. Reactive cultures listen before they leap.

    Adapted from Richard D Lewis

  • Exercise: Classify your culture

    Using Richard Lewiss cultural categories - linear-active, multi-active, and reactive - classify the culture you lived in as a child.

    If you think that your personality is different from your native culture, classify it, too. If it is different, why is it different?

  • Cultural types model

    Figure copyright Richard D Lewis

  • Culture category statistics

    Linear-active 600,000,000

    Multi-active 3,300,000,000

    Reactive 1,700,000,000

    Hybrid (multi-active and reactive) 290,000,000

    Total (approx.) 6,000,000,000

    Adapted from Richard D Lewis

  • Exercise: What will you do?

    You must fly to a business meeting in another country. You ask your very good friend to drive you to the airport. Whilst driving to the airport, your friend hits and seriously injures a

    pedestrian. S/he drives on without stopping. Later the police catch her/him and expect you to testify about the

    incident in court. What can your good friend expect you to say?

  • Geert Hofstedes 5 dimensions of culture

    Model was first based on survey data from 100,000 employees in 50 IBM subsidiaries around the world.

    Value survey modules (VSM) have been administered by others with similar results.

    Each dimension has opposite extremes.

  • Some more equal than others: Power distance

    Power distance is the extent to which the less powerful members of an organization within a country expect and accept that power is distributed unequally.

    Adapted from Geert Hofstede and Gert Jan Hofstede. Cultures and organizations: software of the mind.

  • Small power distance

    DirectorEmployee

    Large power distance

    DirectorEmployee

  • Small power distance Large power distance

    Inequalities among people should be minimized Inequalities among people are expected and desired

    Hierarchy in organizations means an inequality of roles, established for convenience

    Hierarchy in organizations reflects existential inequality between higher and lower levels

    Managers rely on their own experience and on subordinates Managers rely on superiors and on formal rules

    Subordinates expect to be consulted Subordinates expect to be told what to do

    Privileges and status symbols are frowned upon Privileges and status symbols are normal and popular

    Manual work has the same status as office work White-collar jobs are valued more than blue-collar jobs

    There are fewer supervisory personnel There are more supervisory personnel

    Parents treat children as equals Parents teach children obedience

    Teachers are experts who transfer impersonal truths Teachers are gurus who transfer personal wisdom

    Adapted from Geert Hofstede and Gert Jan Hofstede. Cultures and organizations: software of the mind.

  • Power distance cultural differences

    Small Power Distance Large Power Distance

  • Power distance cultural differences

    Small Power Distance Large Power Distance

  • Exercise: The emperors new clothes

    You are an engineer with 3 years experience. For the last year, you have been part of a 5 person team of equally

    experienced engineers at the Tweedle Dee Corporation. One day during a team meeting, the team leader asks the team to change the software development methodology.

    The new way is very different from the old way and appears promising but is unproven.

    What do you do?

    [2]

  • I, we and they: Individualism and collectivism

    In individualistic cultures ties between individuals are loose, everyone is expected to look after himself or herself.

    In collectivistic cultures people from birth onward are i n teg ra ted i n to s t rong , cohesive in-groups, which throughout peoples lifetimes continue to protect them in exchange for unquestioning loyalty.

    Adapted from Geert Hofstede and Gert Jan Hofstede. Cultures and organizations: software of the mind.

  • Collectivist Individualist

    Purpose of education is learning how to do Purpose of education is learning how to learn

    Employees are members of in-groups who will pursue their in-groups interest

    Employees are economic men who will pursue employers interest if it coincides with their interest

    Employer-employee relationship is basically moral, like a family link

    Employer-employee relationship is a contract between parties on the labor market

    Relationship prevails over task Task prevails over relationship

    High-context communication prevails Low-context communication prevails

    On personality tests, people score more introvert On personality tests, people score more extrovert

    Harmony should be maintained and direct confrontations avoided

    Speaking ones mind is a characteristic of an honest person

    Interdependent self Independent self

    Occupational mobility is lower Occupational mobility is higher

    Adapted from Geert Hofstede and Gert Jan Hofstede. Cultures and organizations: software of the mind.

  • in-group out-group

    in-group out-group

    Perception of relationships

    INDIVIDUALISTIC CULTURES

    COLLECTIVISTIC CULTURES

    more perceived

    less perceived

    intercultural distance

    intercultural distance

  • Individual / collective cultural differences

    More individualism More collectivism

  • Individual / collective cultural differences

    More individualism More collectivism

  • Exercise: Who is responsible?A new employee joins an experienced production team. The

    employee receives the usual training (the same training that all production teams receive) and passes a proficiency exam. During her/his 1st week on the production line, s/he makes a mistake that

    cause several days of production to be recalled. Who is responsible?

  • He and she, masculine and feminine, tough and tender

    A culture is masculine (tough) when emotional gender roles are clearly distinct; men are supposed to be assertive, tough, and focused on material success, whereas women are supposed to be more modest, tender, and concerned with the quality of life.

    A culture is feminine (tender) when emotional gender roles overlap: both men and women are allowed to be modest, tender, and concerned with the quality of life.

    Adapted from Geert Hofstede and Gert Jan Hofstede. Cultures and organizations: software of the mind.

  • Masculine Feminine

    Challenge, earnings, recognition, and advancement are important Relationships and quality of life are important

    Men should be assertive, ambitious, and tough Both men and women should be modest

    Women are supposed to be tender and take care of relationships

    Both men and women can be tender and focus on relationships

    Brides need to be chaste and industrious, grooms dont Bridegrooms and brides are held to the same standards

    People live in order to work People work in order to live

    Resolution of conflicts by letting the strongest win Resolution of conflicts by compromise and negotiation

    There is a lower share of working women in professional jobs

    There is a higher share of working women in professional jobs

    Students overrate their own performance; ego-boosting Students underrate their own performance; ego-effacement

    Women shop for food, men for cars Women and men shop for food and cars

    Adapted from Geert Hofstede and Gert Jan Hofstede. Cultures and organizations: software of the mind.

  • Masculine / feminine cultural differences

    More masculine More feminine

  • Masculine / feminine cultural differences

    More masculine More feminine

  • EducationCo-educative schools, same content of

    classes for girls and boys, same qualification for men and women.

    High professional qualification is most important for men.

    CareerEqual professional opportunities for men

    and women are necessary.Career and professional advancement is less important for women than for men.

    HomeAll housekeeping is done by both parties

    to a marriage in equal shares.Housekeeping is primarily the duty of the

    woman.

    DecisionsNeither partner dominates; solutions do

    not always follow the principle of finding a concerted decision.

    In case of conflict, man has the last say, for example, in choosing the place to live,

    choice of school for children.

    ChildrenMan and woman share equally in raising

    children.Woman is the primary care giver.

    Exercise: Agree or disagree

  • What is different is dangerous: Uncertainty avoidance

    Uncertainty avoidance is the extent to which the members of a culture feel threatened by ambiguous or unknown situations, often expressed through nervous stress (anxiety) and in a need for predictability.

    Adapted from Geert Hofstede and Gert Jan Hofstede. Cultures and organizations: software of the mind.

  • Weak uncertainty avoidance Strong uncertainty avoidance

    More changes of employer, shorter service Fewer changes of employer, longer service

    There should be no more rules than necessary There is an emotional need for rules, even if these will not work

    Hard-working only when needed There is an emotional need to be busy and an inner urge to work hard

    There is tolerance for ambiguity and chaos There is need for precision and formalization

    Focus on decision process Focus on decision content

    Low stress and low anxiety High stress and high anxiety

    What is different is curious What is different is dangerous

    Top managers are concerned with strategy Top managers are concerned with daily operations

    Teachers may say I dont know Teachers are supposed to have all the answers

    Adapted from Geert Hofstede and Gert Jan Hofstede. Cultures and organizations: software of the mind.

  • Exercise: Risk seekers / Risk averseThe year is 2050. A company headquartered on Mars has sent you a very attractive and lucrative employment offer. The offer

    requires a minimum commitment of 5 years on Mars. Under what conditions (if any) would you accept employment?

    Fact for this exercise: More than 21,000 people have emigrated to Mars and about one hundred children have been born on Mars.

  • Uncertainty avoidance cultural differences

    Strong uncertainty avoidance Weak uncertainty avoidance

  • Uncertainty avoidance cultural differences

    Strong uncertainty avoidance Weak uncertainty avoidance

  • Yesterday, now, or later: Long- and short-term orientation

    Cultures with long-term orientation foster virtues oriented toward future rewards, in particular, perseverance and thrift.

    Cultures with short-term orientation foster virtues related to the past and present, in particular, respect for tradition and fulfilling social obligations.

    Adapted from Geert Hofstede and Gert Jan Hofstede. Cultures and organizations: software of the mind.

  • Long-term orientation Short-term orientation

    Perseverance, sustained efforts toward slow results Efforts should produce quick results

    Respect for circumstances Respect for traditions

    Concern with personal adaptiveness Concern with personal stability

    Willingness to subordinate oneself for a purpose Concern with social and status obligations

    Leisure time is not important Leisure time is important

    Focus is on market position Focus is on bottom line

    Main work values include learning, honesty, adaptiveness, accountability, and self-discipline

    Main work values include freedom, rights, achievement, and thinking for oneself

    Investment in lifelong, personal networks Personal loyalties vary with business needs

    Marriage is a pragmatic arrangement Marriage is a moral arrangement

    Adapted from Geert Hofstede and Gert Jan Hofstede. Cultures and organizations: software of the mind.

  • Long-term / Short-term orientation

    Long-term orientation Short-term orientation

  • Long-term / Short-term orientation

    Long-term orientation Short-term orientation

  • Exercise: What will you do?

    A distant, wealthy relative recently died. In his will he left you USD $10,000. There are no conditions on the

    inheritance except that you must invest or spend the money as follows: Invest the money in the XYZ hedge fund* or

    spend the money on a holiday in Hawaii. What would you do and why?

    *The hedge fund is 10 years old and has had an average historical annual return that exceeds inflation.

  • Culture and emotions

    Universal emotions such as anger, contempt, disgust, fear, happiness, sadness, and surprise are common to all cultures.

    Individualistic cultures tend to direct attention to inner states and feelings (such as positive or negative affects).

    Collectivistic cultures tend to direct attention to outer sources (adhering to social norms or fulfilling ones duties).

    The correlation between life satisfaction and the prevalence of positive affect is higher in individualistic cultures, whereas in collectivistic cultures affect and adhering to norms are equally important for life satisfaction.

  • What is this man feeling?

    AngerDisgust Neutral FearJoySurprise Sadness

  • What is this man feeling?

    Anger Disgust Neutral FearJoy Surprise Sadness

  • Adapted from The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz

    1. Be mindful and (self) aware

    2. Be impeccable with your word

    3. Dont take anything personally

    4. Dont make assumptions

    5. Always do your best

  • Be mindful and self aware Mindfulness is being in touch with and aware of the present

    moment, as well as taking a non-evaluative and non-judgmental approach to it.

    When the mind is not mindful and attentive, it follows its habitual patterns of liking, disliking, rejecting, pursuing, projecting, and being for and against things. Clear attentiveness is awareness that is free from the process of reacting, without adding or subtracting anything from the experience.

  • Be mindful

  • Bas

    ic c

    omm

    unic

    atio

    n pr

    inci

    ples

    Simple Keep It Simple Stupid (KISS principle)

    Repeat Say it twice in different ways

    Listen Repeat what you hear

    Respect Respect yourself and others

  • Simple communication principles

    When we speak to others in a language that is not our own, we often unconsciously transfer elements from our own language into the other.

    When someone speaks your language, you tend to assume that they also share your thoughts and assumptions.

    Unless you understand proverbs from a language that is not your own very well, dont use them.

    Humor does not translate well! Conversational taboos usually include religion and politics as well as questions

    about health, age, weight, income.

    Effective verbal communication is expected to be explicit, direct, and unambiguous. Say what you mean as precisely and straightforwardly as possible.

    Some western cultures view a person who is being indirect as tricky, deceptive, and of questionable integrity. At best indirect communication is viewed as a waste of time.

    Some eastern cultures view a person who is being direct as rude and of questionable honor. At best direct communication is viewed as impolite.

  • What does it mean to be impeccable with your word?

  • Be impeccable with your word

    Take responsibility for your words and actions.

    Respect others and yourself.

    Be mindful of your intent.

    Consider the effect that your words will have on those who hear them.

    Do not lie to yourself or to others.

    Do not gossip.

  • What does it mean to not take anything personally?

  • Dont take anything personally To take stuff personally is

    expression of selfishness: You assume that everything is about you.

    Nothing others do is because of you: It is because of the others programming.

    Act, dont react: When you take stuff personally, you feel offended by others words and your reaction is to defend your beliefs thus creating conflict.

  • William Ury , co-founder of Harvard's Program on Negotiation and Senior Fellow of the Harvard Negotiation Project.

    Humans are reaction machines.

    When you are angry, you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

  • What does it mean to not make assumptions?

  • Dont make assumptions The human has the need to explain and understand everything. It

    doesnt matter if the explanation is correct -- the explanation by itself makes us feel safe.

    Problem with assumptions is that we believe they are the truth.

    Do not assume that your partner (business or personal) knows what you think and therefore you dont have to say what you want.

    Do not assume that others think the way we think, feel the way we feel, and judge the way we judge.

    Stop making assumptions: Have courage to ask questions!

    Make sure communication is clear. Even then dont assume you know everything about a situation.

    Communicate This is what I want. That is what you want.

  • Why (better) communication is necessary

    No communication ...

  • Why (better) communication is necessary

    No communication ... Little communication ...

  • Why (better) communication is necessary

    No communication ... Little communication ... Poor communication ...

  • Why (better) communication is necessary

    No communication ... Little communication ... Poor communication ... Reduced communication ...

  • Why (better) communication is necessary

    No communication ... Little communication ... Poor communication ... Reduced communication ...

    ... all result in more assumptions about

  • What does it mean to always do your best?

  • Always do your best

    Do no more or less than your best.

    Reasonable balance.

    Your best changes one moment to next.

    Dont beat yourself up when you fail to do your best.

  • Why (better) communication is necessary

    Because effective communication results in better understanding and ...

    Better understanding of each others personal / business needs leads to ...

    Better personal / business relationships which in turn leads to ...

    More harmony in personal / business relationships, and ... Understanding is more fun than misunderstanding!

  • Exercise: Direct or indirect?

    Some western cultures view a person who is being indirect as tricky, deceptive, and of questionable integrity. At best indirect communication is viewed as a waste of time.

    Some eastern cultures view a person who is being direct as rude and of questionable honor. At best direct communication is viewed as impolite.

    Do you favor direct or indirect communication?

  • Open-minded people seek out (more) information before making a decision

    Close-minded people see only a narrow range of possibilities and ignore the rest

    Most cultures produce close-minded people!

  • Exercise: Close-minded or not?

    Do you agree or not agree with the statement that most cultures produce close-minded people? Why?

  • Non-verbal communication

  • Non-verbal communication

    Communication is at most 20% verbal!

    Remainder - 80% or more - is comprised of gestures, facial expressions, tone of voice, posture, odors, ...

    Telephone communication removes gestures, facial expressions, posture, odors, etc. Only words and tone of voice remain.

    Written communication - email, letters, etc - removes all modes of communication save for words.

  • Your body language shapes who you are

    Amy Cuddy June 2012 Ted talk.

    Amy Cuddy is a professor and researcher at Harvard Business School, where she studies how nonverbal behavior and snap judgments affect people from the classroom to the boardroom.

    Amy Cuddy. Your body language shapes who you are. Ted Talks. https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are. (Accessed July 2016)

    https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are

  • Exercise: Invent a gesture

    Invent a gesture that a driver can use to apologize for unintentionally cutting off another driver. The gesture must

    be usable in any country.

    [2]

  • Frederick Zarndt

    Coronado CA 92118 USA frederick@frederickzarndt.com

    @cowboyMontana

    Where there is light in the soul, There is beauty in the person.

    Where there is beauty in the person, There is harmony in the home.

    Where there is harmony in the home, There is honor in the nation.

    Where there is honor in the nation, There is peace in the world.

    mailto:frederick@frederickzarndt.com